as if

It feels horrible. As horrible as horrible can be. It was as if he went for the match and didn't come back until now, because of what all of us did. It was a conspiracy against him, as if he was the joker who didn't mind anything. And it was weird because he still is the joker outside, taking the news as if it didn't bother him, didn't matter to him, didn't leave a mark of any kind. Yet he was distinctively different. I can't put the blame on him, it was our fault. It wasn't his fault that he didn't notice. It wasn't his fault that he wasn't alert to our sentences. Each and everyone of us played a role to this trick, each gave the agreement to this immorally fit game. I don't know when he will ever come back, maybe tomorrow, maybe in a week, I don't know. But this is to remind me to never encourage anything like this again, and instead, to think further than the shallow euphoria it provided.

I'm sorry Uncle Barney.